GENERAL ORDER 55-1
6 March, 35100055
TO:  See Distribution
SUBJECT:  Assumption of Command

The undersigned assumes command.

WUMPLING
Brigadier General, USA
Acting Commander

DISTRIBUTION:  Command Personnel
 
 

GENERAL ORDER 55-2
6 March, 35100055
TO:  See Distribution
SUBJECT:  Division Mission

The following is the mission of the 2d Hedgehog Marine Division (Mechanized)(2dHHMD(Mech)):  The mission of the 2dHHMD(Mech) is to combat animal abuse and neglect wherever it is found by bringing to bear the tactics and weapons needed to end these practices.  Our weapons include such fearsome arsenal items as the 155mm USDA inspection, the state or provincial inspection, Internet list alerts, patron complaints, media involvement, local official complaints, physical search and rescue, and educational programs.  Although our primary mission is to serve hedgehogs, e shall join in to combat all forms of animal abuse and neglect (including human animals, of course).  Our strategic plan is one of escalated scales beginning in a friendly way with education and then, if not victorious, with increasing pressure (complaints, media, regulatory agencies, etc.) until the abusive or neglectful situation is remedied.

WUMPLING
Brigadier General, USA
Acting Commander

DISTRIBUTION:  Division Personnel

Major General Spikers

HEADQUARTERS
2d HEDGEHOG MARINE DIVISION (MECHANIZED)
SPECIAL ORDERS 2-08-20-00
FROM:  Commanding General
TO:  See Distribution
SUBJECT:  Status of Second Hedgehog Marine Division (Mechanized)
1.  Various command and list personnel have asked about the status of the 2d Hedgehog Marine Division (Mechanized)(2dHHMD(Mech)).  These Special Orders represent an annual report for Human calendar year 1999 and Hedgehog calendar year 35100055 (heh heh, we don’t play around). 
The last update occurred on October 19, 1999 (35100055).  Future updates will occur annually in January or as major personnel or operational changes occur.
2.  This update shall only be posted to the Pigpoglives List, the Division web page, division personnel, and to individuals as requested.
3.  The 2dHHMD(Mech) is a reserve multi-service versatile division capable of military action in several combat environments.  It serves at the pleasure of the Pogmander-in-Chief and may be mobilized to action by Le Ministre du Defense, The Honourable Renfield (hedgehogs do not recognize foolish human international borders). 
4.  Over the past year, the 2d HHMD(Mech) has undergone several personnel changes.  The present organizational structure is as follows:
    a.  Commanding general:  Spikers, Major General, USMC
    b.  Deputy Commanding General:  Brigadier General Wumpling, USA
    c.  Staff:
        1.  Chief of Staff:  Colonel Little Flash, USA
        2.  Asst Chief of Staff, G1 (Administration), Colonel
Melanie (Canadian Armed Forces).
            (a) Staff Judge Advocate:  Lt. Colonel Miwacle, USA, JAGC
            (b) Provost Marshal:  Major Vula indlela, USA, MPC
            (c) Div. Surgeon:  Colonel Roscoe, Canadian Armed Forces, MC
        3.  Asst Chief of Staff G2 (Intelligence), Major Bozeman
(Canadian Armed Forces).
            (a)  Radar Officer:  Major Sonicker (Australian Armed Forces)
        4.  Asst Chief of Staff G3 (Operations), Colonel Silverbelle
(Canadian Armed Forces)
            (a)  Wheeling Officer:  Lt. Colonel Angel, USMC
            (b)  Air Liaison Officer:  Major Izigqi, Canadian Armed Forces
        5.  Asst Chief of Staff G4 (Logistics), Colonel Rosie, USA
            (a)  Procurement Officer:  Major Sweetie, Canadian Armed Forces
        6.  Asst Chief of Staff G5 (Civil Affairs), vacant (see APPENDIX A)
    d.  Combat brigades:
        1.  Commander, 1st Brigade:  Colonel Grumpy, USMC.
        2.  Commander, 2d Brigade:  Colonel Louise, USA
    e.  Division Artillery (Heavy)
        Brigadier General Wumpling, USA
    f.  Special Units:
        1.  Commando/Rangers:
            Commander:  Captain Waylon, USMC
            Deputy:  Chief Warrant Officer, W2, Critical Bill, USA 

    FOR THE COMMANDER:

                    LITTLE FLASH
                    Colonel, GS, USA
                    Chief of Staff

(Signed)
POKIE
Lt. Colonel, AGC, USA
Adjutant General

DISTRIBUTION:
Division personnel
Pigpoglives
1-As requested

APPENDIX:
    MEMORIAL Stand Down.  Division flags are flying at half mast for the recently departed Public Affairs Officer, Lt. Colonel. Butch, USA. 
Colonel Butch passed over the Rainbow Bridge at 0300, February 7, 2000
(35100055).

ATTACHMENTS:
The Commander answers list questions (some are repeats of the questions from October, some are new):
Q1:  Why can’t humans be officers in the 2dHHMD(Mech)?
A1:  That’s just the way it is.  Humans have been around for just a short while (compared to us) and in that time have not shown themselves to be very kind, courteous, nor environmentally friendly.  Why do you think you call yourselves “slaves?”  Even though Standing Bear may have been an officer in a human army, he cannot qualify as an officer in a hedgehog army (or Marine Corps).  Since he does his job well, though, we’ll appoint him as division command sergeant major.
Q2:  We noticed that you changed Critical Bill’s rank from 1st lieutenant to Chief Warrant Officer.  What is that all about?
A2:  Critical Bill has been moaning and groaning about being an officer since he has joined the command.  He was always saying “I don’t WANT to be an officer, I WORK for a living,” and such things.  Well, hedgehogs in a hedgehog army are all officers, humans are the enlisted personnel.  But, in order to shut Critical Bill up we revoked his commission and made him a warrant officer and convinced him that warrant officers are sort of “working officers.”  Now he wants to go fly helicopters.  Now that’s scary (since he can’t even find Canada half the time).
Q3:  How do you feel about having female pogs in key command positions?
A3:  They fight as good as anyone.  Both combat brigade commanders and the deputy CG/division artillery commander are women.  Don’t mess with ‘em.  Hell, I don’t even mess with ‘em. 
Q4:  You have a relatively junior officer (Major Bozeman) as your ACofS (G2)(Intelligence).  Isn’t he eligible to be promoted to Lt. Colonel? 
A4:  This question keeps coming up.  I don’t know about eligible, but that little fool is never going to be promoted on my watch!  Grudgingly admitted, he is good at what he does, which is sneaking around and duping individuals and groups.  Also granted, that is what “military intelligence”  is supposed to do.  But I do not like any of it and just want to get out there and fight an honest battle.  Look for Major Bozeman’s promotion to come in about five light years from now.
Q5:  Are there any final words you would like to impart to the list?
A5:  Yes. once again I sure do miss my friend and colleague General Jackson!  His passing was a great loss to the hedgehog military.  Since then, his command has been relegated to inactive reserve status.  I think they need a reactivation!  No military organization operates without the possibility of replaceability!  Perhaps that great general Pogert E. Lee shall reactivate that army!  I hope so.
End of interview. 
SPIKERS
Major General, USMC
Commanding, 2dHHMD(Mech)